he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
