saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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