walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
