My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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