so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
