it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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