Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
