even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
