Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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