You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
