how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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