dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
