WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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