I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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