I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
