how do flat chested girls get laid?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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