I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
