New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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