I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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