I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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