well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
