I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
