considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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