New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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