my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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