he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i think my cat just said my name.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
