I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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