I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...