If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives