i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
