Small penises have feelings too.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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