Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
