I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
