I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
