can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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