maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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