Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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