i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
