It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
