would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
