How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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