I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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