Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
