Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
