i think my tv is drunk
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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