Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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