she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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