I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
