Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
