Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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