did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
