i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
