You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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