I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I will die if light touches me.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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