We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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