I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
