Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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