getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
