god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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