I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize
