yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I could make wine with my vomit
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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