We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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