I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
