I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
