I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
